Ooops I forgot that I had a blog. Sorry about the absence folks. Actually, I am not really that sorry, I don't owe you people anything. Stop being so demanding. GOLLY-BILL! At any rate here is a new addition for your pleasure.
Here are a few stories I think you might enjoy...
Story one:
At a former job I was typing lesson plans (spy words for checking facebook) in the computer lab when a co-worker came in with a look of confusion and before I could stealthily escape from the situation posed a quandary to me. I would like to preface this by informing you that the character in this saga has been not only entrusted with the rearing of her own children but also shaping the minds of many a child via the education system. Here is how this played out (with a little commentary)...
“Uhhhhh Ms. Stolfi (yes, Bistolfi is a difficult name to get the hang of but you are a grown lady) when you cook tea (we will ignore the replacement of the verb brew) the water comes out right?”
After a moment of staring in disbelief I respond with an educated “What?” Clearly I would have included a “the hell” or perhaps a well deserved f-bomb had we not been sitting beneath a crucifix.
I was, sadly, not mishearing things because she repeated the exact same question “when you cook tea the water comes out right?”
Realizing that the situation did not warrant my effort I simply explained that the dried tea in the bag basically mixes with the water and that is what you get. I didn't use big words like absorb or diffuse to avoid stares.
She continued to explain that couldn't possibly be correct she had “cooked” her tea in the microwave and when she opened the door there was water everywhere and the tea was left in the cup.
I am now fighting the extreme urge to laugh and barely managed to ask her how long she set the microwave for (mind you this is the same woman who had already caused the fire department to pay us a visit twice by popping popcorn for ten plus minutes) and she said five minutes. FIVE MINUTES! So, I tried to explain that the water had boiled out due to the excessive microwaving time. This was obviously ill advised because she told me flat out that I was wrong. Silly me, I should have known that you can only “get things to boilin' on a stove with a pot”. Super.
Story 2:
You should know that the a fore mentioned woman at some point decided (not entirely falsely) that I was the guru of the world. Here is the break down of this one:
Uhhh Stolfi I have a problem
…..ok what?
Whenever I eats a lot of ice cream or milk I gets the loose bowls or grow gassy so I was wonderin' do you think I could be that lacto-retarded?
She is definitely one part of that made up word.
Story 3:
Surprisingly enough I have yet another story about the same woman. Here goes the last gem of the night...
Now attendance at work wasn't necessarily a priority for this particular woman. One morning as she was arriving she stubbed her toe ( there is a reason we weren't to have exposed toes) on the door and broke her nail. Not only was this enough of an emergency for her to have to leave work but also warranted visit the emergency room (you may recall this situation seeing as how you probably footed the bill). Upon her return 3 DAYS later I mistakenly inquired as to her condition. She solemnly responded that it had been a hard recovery on account of she had lost part of the toenail. Thankfully the doctors had given her “one of those technical shots that had saved her foot”. That's right folks she said “technical shot”. Thank goodness the door wasn't all that rusty or she might have been in serious trouble. You would think while they were passing out shots the good doctor would have thought to offer her a TETANUS shot. Go figure.
That's all. I wish everyone a solemn and reflective Lent. Maybe I will be back some other time. Have fun folks.
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